January 2K5

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Today the Iraqi Population finally gets to vote...good luck and God Speed!

We want Bill!

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terror alert banana

Don't like to be informed by a stupid Banana about the end of the World? Hear it from the Man himself:

Terror Alert Level

Still wondering why the heck you didn't receive any Christmas Presents this Year? Here are 5 good reasons (thanks KRB! :)

Does Santa Exist?
Is There a Santa Clause?

1. No known species of reindeer that can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer (which only Santa has ever seen.)

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total-378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept),we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second-a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload-not even counting the weight of the sleigh-to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison-this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance-this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion:
If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

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It seems that the Israeli Army is spending all it's money on Bullets and Tanks, and now, that they're really hungry from shooting little Children all day, there's no $$$ left over for some yummy Pizza.

Not to worry though, even you can help! Please stop donating to those Tsunami-Victims and send some help to places where it's really needed!


After all it's good to see that under every Soldiers Uniform there's just another human being with all it's charming, unique features and perks!

And, Yes, it's Monday, Yes, it's raining, no reason to get depressed !

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If you, like us over here at, have made it one of your New Years Resolutions to smoke more in 2005, or to start smoking altogether, please find some helpful information here!

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New Year, New Game...

Hopefully you've survived the Seaquake and subsequent Tsunamis in Asia and are alive enough to help those who were not so fortunate.

Please donate generously to any or all of the following Organisations:

International Red Cross
International Red Crescent
International Medical Corps
International Rescue Commitee
International Aid
Doctors without Borders
World Vision
Mercy Corps
AID India
Direct Relief
World Concern
Project Concern
Christian Children's Fund
Action against Hunger
Food for the Hungry

To make sure that your Contributions end up where they're most needed, please refer to this guideline for 'Appropriate International Disaster Donations' from the Center for International Disaster Information.

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Ho Ho Ho...

Please don't forget NOT to buy anything for Christmas this Year!

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